I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drake has all the answers
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize