If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she woke up with a sticky ear
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
