Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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