I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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