even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
