My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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