I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize