he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
