And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
