Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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