apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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