If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
