so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
