I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My feet surprised me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
