If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize