She is in my trunk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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