i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
