She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize