Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
