So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
