dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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