just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Damn victory sex feels great
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
