she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
