so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
