He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize