My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize