Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
