Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize