I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
