you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
