i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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