I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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