names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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