Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
