Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
