the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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