im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize