I'm gonna have a badass scar
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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