How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
