her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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