just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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