I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish there were birth control emojis
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
