My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
