The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
