She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
