For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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