Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
