two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize