He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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