youre lurking in front of me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
