Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
