there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
