Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
don't judge my taste in strippers
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
