Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
