This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
