so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
