every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
why is half of my head shaved?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize