Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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