You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
