So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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