I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
