Its about making memories worth repressing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
