The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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