3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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